Tuesday, October 14, 2008

NEW STOCK MARKET TERMS


I know financial problems aren't funny, but laughter is good for the soul.

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor
to mistake himself
for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance,
the wife gets
no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants
as the market
keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split
your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears
down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for
$240 per share.

WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought
Yahoo @ $240 per share.




4 comments:

Linsey said...

ROTFL!!!! Lisa, that is SO funny--and not so funny since a lot of it sounds about right!!! :) THanks for the little pick-me-up! I agree, sometimes we just have to laugh--so we don't cry! hugs, buddy!

Etha said...

LOL, you're NUTS ;)
Can you change my url on your sidebar to
http://ethaschuette.com
please :)
thanks!!

LadyDoc said...

Yeah- that's a good example of the old adage that much of comedy comes from pain!

Gloria Stengel said...

Thanks for the laugh Lisa!